Don't buy my products

 If you read the title and said “Well there is no way i am taking that without a grain of salt” you wouldn’t have been gravely mistaken, although as soon as we reach the end of this rant (because that is sort of what this is going to be) you will come to realise that i wasn’t being all that misleading.

The internet is a melting pot in which ideas are spread and cultivated. Good or bad. Beneficial or useless. It provides a breeding ground for people that are aching for a false sense of originality and who are eager to click that special sequence of buttons in search for affirmation and support. They resort to forums, blogs and sub-reddits. They lurk anonymously around the dark corners of the web, as they scour the globe in an attempt to unearth at least a handful of digital personas that are eager to console their insecurities.

 It is not all as bad and malevolent as i make it to be. The swift uprising of the digital era is a testament to our need for connection and, as we speak, clusters of metal and human ingenuity are orbiting our planet. Gifting us with electrical pathways which allow us to travel far beyond our hometown without even having to set our feet on the ground.

 After nearly three decades on this blessed earth I know that such comfort does not come without a price, but I was unaware that I am putting my sanity on the line each time I flick my thumb against my smartphone’s glowing screen.

In other words…

Can you stop feeding your dogs mushy vegetables?...Like...Stop.. Never again!

 Unless there are medical issues involved (which…let’s be real, that is hardly ever the case) you surely must be living in a world of fiction if you believe that serving Fido bowls full of winter veg is an acceptable thing to do. But the manicure will be spot on, the ceramic bowl will be a gorgeous shade of pink, and the “food” will be an assortment of every pod, sprout, leaf and root the farmer’s market had to offer, meticulously arranged to form a “healthy” and “vibrant” rainbow. Those likes are not going to come by themselves now are they?

 The only thing tilting the post sideways is teary eyed Fido. The Vanity Olympics have claimed him as their victim and all of the hashtags in the world cannot make that dollop of pea purre look even slightly appetizing. He will undoubtedly be paying the cat’s litter box a visit as soon his mistress is feeling satisfied with her choice of filter.

You shouldn’t buy my products.

 This isn’t a marketing tactic designed to make you hoard my shampoo bars out of spite and resentment. Pressuring your beliefs on an animal designed to bite through flesh and bone, under the guise of it being an “omnivore”, is nonsensical and idiotic and I’d much rather you gave It away.

 Hand it over to a family that, not only sees a carrot or an apple as occasional treats, but that would also visibly cringe at the idea of introducing their dogs to an exclusively vegan diet. Trust me. Those people are not hard to come by. 

Regards

Chris

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